Home Relationship Waiting By The Phone? Following Traditional Gender Roles In Online Dating

Waiting By The Phone? Following Traditional Gender Roles In Online Dating


Are You Sitting At Home Waiting For Him To Make The First Move?  

Most men prefer to take the first step in dating.

He’s a man, stroke his ego by letting him make decisions.

Let him feel like he’s in charge.

Men prefer feminine women. 

WHAT? Are we in a time warp?

I’ve noticed a couple of trends in articles bouncing around the internet lately. First, there are the dating gurus who keep telling women that men like to be in charge. And, second are the ‘reseachers’ studying evolution and biological drives for reasons why women do or don’t initiate sex or feel sexual desire as much as men.

OK, Ladies! Enough With That. Really.

Yes, historically men have led the way, set the rules, controlled finances, been the dominant partner and populated board rooms. We are now in the 21st century and it is permissible for women to follow their own wishes. And, that may mean that we sometimes ask a man out first. Or, do the seducing. Write the first email. Share our strengths and talents openly and comfortably.

It is true that older men, as a rule (and all rules are made to be broken), have a more traditional outlook and want to “be the man”. But I believe there is a way to have a dating relationship that validates him as a man and you as a woman, simultaneously.

These same gurus who tell you to sit back and wait are not telling you that older men are often as anxious and insecure about offline and online dating as women are. They may welcome a woman who indicates her interest. It’s a compliment. The experts failed to take into consideration that asking you to be demure and in “wait” mode is asking you to take a back seat to your own wishes–while allowing and encouraging men to pursue their interests.

When you look at it that way it feels a little one-sided, doesn’t it? Regressive. Gender-biased (and someone out there is muttering, this is why she’s still single).

This has always been a dilemma for me–I’m not the delicate little flower content to sit back and wait for a man to bring me to life. I have a pretty good sense of who I am and what I want. And, yes that turns some men off. I used to let that rejection bother me until I realized that a domineering, old-fashioned man would not be a good match for me. So, no loss.

Img source: torontosnumber1datedoctor.com

On a date, I do show my feminine side. It is possible to be assertive, self-confident and feminine. That’s not a contradiction. Just as it’s normal for a confident, powerful male to have a sensitive side.

It’s all about balance. And, it’s about being clear on who and what you want. If you like the more traditional role and are willing to sit back and wait for your ideal man to find you and ask you out, go right ahead. The key to successful dating, as with other areas of life, is knowing what you want and having a plan.

So, use your own judgment. Be clear on what kind of man you want in your life.

Are you waiting by the phone, hoping he’ll make the first move?