Divorce can be devastating for every family member, but it mostly impacts your child. It is specifically because of this that we need to prepare our children when the time comes.
Sometimes, things don’t work out, love fades, and bad financial situations force families to separate. In a lot of cases, the separating couple has children, and divorce leaves them feeling confused, devastated, and even hating their parents.
Feelings of pain emerge and god knows what goes through your child’s head. Their daily routines are destroyed, they will feel sad, and they will definitely hate you for separating.
But, as we said, things don’t always work out and couples separate sometimes. If you happen to be in such a situation and have also had children, then you need to prepare them for the divorce.
This article will hopefully shed some light on how to do it, but most importantly, how to minimize the devastating impact that is about to flood their feelings.
So, without further ado, let’s start.
The first thing you need to keep in mind that they are still children, even if they are in their teens. As a matter of fact, your children will hate you even more if they have a firm grasp of what’s about to happen.
So, to help minimize damage, you need to show them empathy and communicate with them. First off, you need to be completely open with them about divorce. You don’t have to get into the details as to why, but you cannot keep them in the dark. Be ready for a lengthy conversation, in which you will…
Communicate and Keep the Door Open
Your child will feel confused at first, and then the most devastating thing will happen; feelings of guilt and blame that mommy and daddy are separating because of them.
This will happen 99 times out of 100, and you need to make it clear to your child that this is not the case. Counter the misconception immediately, and reassure your kid that it’s not its fault.
However, will all that said, chances are that feelings of guilt and blame will still be present, and do know that it will take some time before they go away.
So, this conversation will happen more than once; believe that. And every time it happens, be ready to reassure again, and again, and again…
Furthermore, you need to comfort your kid and let him know that he can come and talk about anything anytime and anyplace. Keep the door open at all times, be prepared for a lot of emotions, and be ready to comfort when the time comes.
Your child will feel as mommy or daddy loves him less, now that they’ve separated. When in this situation, it would be wise to explain that mommy or daddy’s love for him hasn’t faded one bit, only their love has.
When this happens, you need to start bonding more with your kid and even completely make up for lost time. Also, since your kid will be growing without either father or mother, the need for emotional support will be even more important.
The bottom line is that you need to make sure that the bond between parent and child is eternal and plans to stay that way.
If you’re going through a divorce and require legal presence to take you through the process, then make sure to visit the expert’s family law attorneys at Koonsfuller.
Show Stable Living Conditions
After a divorce, one parent will move out and the court will decide on visiting days. Chances are, the father will have to move out and get a place of his own.
When the time comes, both parents must maintain stable living conditions, and provide all the necessary things that a child requires. This will have a significant impact on a children’s psyche, as it will not notice anything missing whenever visiting.
This means that you need to take care of yourself and not look messy, keep the house nice and tidy, and don’t show any signs of addictions. You still are the kid’s parents and you need to act like one.
Staying Emotionally, Physically, and Spiritually Fit
The last sentence adds up nicely to a very important part when going through a divorce, and that’s maintaining physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
Simply put, by showing your kid that you’re in good spirits, you are effectively reassuring him that everything is fine. If your child notices you crying in the night, then that will raise alarms and doubts, and the feelings of guilt and blame will take over.
We know, no one wants a divorce and no one wants to be separated from the person they love. Maybe your spouse has done something bad to you, and that has effectively ruined the relationship. But whatever the cause, whatever the problem was, you need to move on so that your kid can as well.
Staying physically fit and in good shape will make you a more capable parent, and your child will definitely notice it.
You need to be the parent you always were, even if such a devastating event has occurred. Keep your spirits high, your emotional support available, and stay in physical shape to tackle and overcome every problem that life throws at you.
Give it Time
Children don’t cope with divorce well. This is understandable since no kid wants to see mommy and daddy fighting. But, you’re separated now and your kid has to live through it.
No matter how much you reassure him over it, you also need to give it time. /, and everyone knows it. However, everything comes to an end, and so will your kid’s feelings regarding the matter.
Sooner or later, with time, your kid will be happy again and in full spirits. But, you cannot heal a wound that needs time to heal, so you need to be there whenever your child needs your support, but also give your kid some space when he needs it.