Ending a marriage is a difficult and scary process from both an emotional and legal standpoint. And although it is often fueled by strong emotions, more often than not, these processes tend to drag out and last much longer than necessary, creating a lot of additional stress and financial strain along the way.
While this is easier said than done, it is best to keep things as hassle-free and short as possible. This is why planning and being prepared is important and even though it is something that might seem cold, calculated, and wrong for some, it is actually the best thing you can do for your future but also yourself.
The readier and more prepared you are, the higher the chances that everything will go smoothly. Not to mention, it will save you a lot of time, energy, and it will be easier for your kids too. So, if you are wondering what can be done to make the entire ordeal as painless as possible, here are a few ideas to have in mind.
1. Face Your Emotions
Feelings often make us do silly things and make rash decisions, many of which we later regret. They always run high during a divorce and it is completely normal. However, they are also the main reason things can spiral out of control.
This does not mean that you should become emotionless, but simply to face everything you are feeling, accept and deal with it, and keep your emotions under control whenever it is necessary. Do not hesitate to seek professional help if you are finding everything to be extremely difficult and overwhelming to deal with.
2. Be Responsible
Understandably, going through such a process will make you want to give up on everything and just go to bed and sleep, pretending that none of it is happening. However, this will not solve anything.
Being passive during the separation is the worst thing a person can do, so instead, taking control over it is what needs to be done. Be ready to make decisions, but also listen to your lawyer’s advice. Be active and save time, money, and your sanity in the process.
3. Get a Good Lawyer
Many people decide to handle the separation by themselves which is, more often than not, a very bad idea. Not only can a lawyer help you with all the paperwork and calculations, but can offer you legal advice, coaching, and make sure that the separation is fair.
4. Consider All Options
You can take legal action and take it to court which rarely ends up going peacefully and smoothly. You can have a collaborative divorce and involve not just attorneys, but financial advisors and mental care professionals too, resulting in higher financial cost.
Lastly, you can opt for mediation which is the fastest and cheapest solution. Using a neutral, third-party person, known as a mediator, can help you both come to a fair agreement and settlement, according to osullivanmediation.com.au
5. Understand the Process & Get Organized
The legal process does not work the way many believe it does. It is often far more complicated and harder than what one might think. Moreover, it has an effect on many aspects of your life, so the more you know and understand it the better. Learning the basics about all the different things involved will get you far.
Once you get that out of the way, you can start collecting all the necessary paperwork and documents from various statements, insurance policies to federal and state tax returns. Create a budget and overview of your current expenses and do not negotiate anything with your spouse without the presence of your attorney.
6. Take Care of Your Finances and Set Goals
Knowing your expenses, how much you owe, and the amount you will have after the divorce is essential for having security and stability after everything is done. Having a financial plan is equally significant. You need to determine whether you will be earning enough money to pay the bills and all other living expenses and create a budget to see if everything balances out.
In cases when it does not, you will need to start thinking and planning how to increase your income and minimize your expenses. This way you will avoid any financial struggles and problems in the future.
7. Have Support
Isolating yourself and thinking you are completely alone is something you should avoid doing at all costs. Understanding that everything you are feeling is completely valid and that you do not have to go through it by yourself is important, as is dealing with it healthily and constructively.
Have a support system of family and friends you can trust and lean on and let them help you cope and deal with everything you are going through.
8. Be Realistic from the Beginning
Most people know the reasons why they have decided to end their marriage, but not many individuals stop to think about what they want out of it or what will they do once it is over.
Taking time to answer these questions and planning how to make everything you want possible will help you make them happen easier and also give you peace of mind that everything will be okay.
9. Practice Mutual Respect
Whatever your current relationship is with your partner, try to establish mutual respect, even if it is the hardest thing for you to do.
This will help you deal with everything in a civilized way, speed up the entire process, but also save your children from having to deal with trauma and a lot of pain from seeing their parents fighting.
Instead of letting this overwhelming and complicated process ruin your life, spend your time and energy into getting everything ready and preparing yourself in any way you can.
At the end of the day, as painful and difficult as it may be, this way you will ensure that you make the best possible choices and save you and your children from any additional and unnecessary suffering.